Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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