Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
