Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
