I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
