Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
