Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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