two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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