You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
