We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
