I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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