one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
