if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize