Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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