I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
sex in a hospital.. check
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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