Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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