WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
