Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
