sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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