he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
