We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
