she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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