i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
