your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
