I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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