I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
please don't ironically join a cult
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