so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
