I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
