My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
