What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
