Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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