We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
