windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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