sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think people are normalizing furries
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
