I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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