Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
