So drunk its hurt
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize