we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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