Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
