you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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