the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
