Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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