I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
