im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
