I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
