Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
