I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
