I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wear drunk well.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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