So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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