Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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