Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
