I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
