No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
