Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
