So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
