do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize