Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
