hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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