I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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