TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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