your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
