are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize