Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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