Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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