planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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