I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
