so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
