Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
