scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
