Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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